Ne­ti­quette: What you need to know for dis­cus­sions online

Hate and insults every­where? It might be easy to get the im­pres­sion that dis­parag­ing remarks are the norm on the internet, but most users are looking for civil in­ter­ac­tions. Since the early days of the internet, the term “ne­ti­quette” has been used to remind people to stay polite in online dis­cus­sions. Anyone who doesn’t comply with these basic rules of po­lite­ness will be removed from the dis­cus­sion or at least given a warning.

Keep reading to find out which rules are included in ne­ti­quette, what its origins are, and which dos and don’ts you should know about.

The word “ne­ti­quette” comes from a com­bi­na­tion of “net” and “etiquette”. It refers to certain rules of civil behavior for online dis­cus­sions. You could say it’s a kind of Emily Post for the online world.

In offline in­ter­ac­tions, there are certain manners that have es­tab­lished them­selves as polite and friendly: When greeting a formal contact, you shake hands with them. If someone walks inside behind you, you hold the door open for them. There are also similar unwritten rules for online com­mu­ni­ca­tion.

Ne­ti­quette is of course not a legally binding set of rules. You don’t have to worry about legal con­se­quences for breaking it, with one exception: If you commit a crime online, for example inciting violence, then you should expect to be charged with this crime - re­gard­less of what the relevant ne­ti­quette is in an online community.

And lastly, there’s no one set of rules that serves as the be-all and end-all of ne­ti­quette. The rules that are relevant in any online forum, comment section, or social media group are de­ter­mined by the mod­er­a­tors or operators.

In its early days, the internet was mostly filled with IT people who com­mu­ni­cat­ed in forums and on mailing lists. It was clear to them how the internet works and which in­for­ma­tion can be read by whom. For example, it was obvious to them that emails are just as public as a postcard.

Once the internet started being used by ever more people outside of the IT scene, it could no longer be taken for granted that everyone shared the same pool of knowledge. So how does one com­mu­ni­cate online, not just regarding the tech­nol­o­gy, but also regarding content? Ne­ti­quette arose to give laypeople some guide­lines for their behavior.

In its early years, ne­ti­quette comprised not only the col­lec­tion of rules for behavior but also in­for­ma­tion on data security and data pro­tec­tion. One of the older ne­ti­quette documents is RFC 1855, which contained tips on dis­cus­sion culture in online forums as well as in­for­ma­tion on how to handle copy­right­ed content and chain emails.

Today the concept of ne­ti­quette has developed beyond its roots. Many basic elements from the 1990s still apply today and are in use by online com­mu­ni­ties. However, in recent years the focus has rested more on polite com­mu­ni­ca­tion and less on technical aspects.

Digital com­mu­ni­ca­tion tends to make people forget that they are talking with real people. This reduces our threshold for all kinds of unkind behavior: Insults and verbal attacks are easier to type out than to say out loud. Ex­pe­ri­ence shows - you can’t assume that users will au­to­mat­i­cal­ly behave the same way online as they do in real life. In addition, running an account with a fake name gives people the sense that they won’t be held ac­count­able for their actions.

Therefore, many online com­mu­ni­ties set down ne­ti­quette in writing. It gives them a basis on which to block members that violate these rules.

Aside from trouble-making users, there are other good reasons to formalize ne­ti­quette: The rules help the community to avoid mis­un­der­stand­ings, ensure that posts are un­der­stand­able for all users, and help provide a pro­duc­tive and pleasant en­vi­ron­ment for dis­cus­sion.

To avoid mis­un­der­stand­ings, rude remarks, and insults, users in online com­mu­ni­ties are usually asked to stick to the rules of ne­ti­quette in online com­mu­ni­ties. You can often find a ne­ti­quette document or text in a prominent place in the group or platform. If you don’t find a formal set of rules, you should stick to the basic rules of common courtesy in your behavior online.

1. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes: This is perhaps the most important rule that is often forgotten on platforms with many anonymous users. Always remember that on the other side of the computer screen sits a person who has feelings and can be hurt by what they read. Check whether the content of your post or comment is something you would say to someone’s face. If not, you should rephrase your comment or refrain from posting anything at all.
2. Keep your comments brief and don’t digress: Make an effort to organize your thoughts be­fore­hand and com­mu­ni­cate your point concisely and co­her­ent­ly. Most users don’t have the patience or mo­ti­va­tion to tease out the core of what you’re saying out of several lines of text.
3. Pay attention to spelling and use punc­tu­a­tion: No one expects you to always have perfect English and publish only flawless posts on social media. But texts with a lot of typos that don’t use cap­i­tal­iza­tion or punc­tu­a­tion are hard to read. In the best case, your post will be ignored, and in the worst case, you’ll annoy other users. That’s why you should be sure to read over your post at least once before clicking enter.
4. Say thank you and be an engaged par­tic­i­pant: If you want to be valued as a user and leave a positive im­pres­sion, you shouldn’t treat online com­mu­ni­ties as a one-way street. Don’t bombard the group with your remarks without engaging with other users’ posts. If someone asks for advice, use your knowledge to help them; or if you benefit from someone else’s post, be sure to thank them.
5. Be the bigger person in conflicts and set clear bound­aries: There are trolls and agitators in almost every online community. If you meet someone like that, try to react rea­son­ably and don’t engage in excessive back-and-forth. Set bound­aries and make your opinion clear. Pointless public arguments serve more to damage your own rep­u­ta­tion and don’t offer anything to the silent reader. If your bound­aries are crossed or you’re con­tin­u­ous­ly subject to trolling, send a private message to the moderator of the group so that they can decide how to handle the situation.

1. Avoid using groups as a re­place­ment for Google: Many com­mu­ni­ties expect that users do a bit of research on their own before turning to the group for answers. You should always search for the answer to your question on Google and use the search feature in your community to see if someone has already asked the question. This shows people that you value their time and are conscious of not bothering them with banal questions.
2. Limit your use of ex­cla­ma­tion points, ab­bre­vi­a­tions, and emojis: Many important signals that help us to process a person’s state­ments aren’t present in online com­mu­ni­ca­tion, such as facial ex­pres­sions, gestures, and in­to­na­tion. Emojis can help to com­pen­sate for this. But be sure to adapt to the customs of each online community and don’t overdo it with emojis and gifs, otherwise, it might be that no one takes you seriously. In the same vein, excessive use of ex­cla­ma­tion points can make you seem ag­gres­sive - try to emphasize your arguments with words and refrain from long streams of punc­tu­a­tion marks. And lastly, you should only use chat ab­bre­vi­a­tions if you’re sure that everyone in the community will un­der­stand them.
3. Don’t post un­so­licit­ed ad­ver­tise­ments for your own products and services: In classic online forums, there are usually dedicated threads where users can advertise their own offers. This has also become a common practice in Facebook groups. You should thus make sure to carefully read the group rules before posting any self-promotion. If there’s nothing written about it there, you should contact the mod­er­a­tors. In the worst case, you can be removed without warning from a group for posting unwanted ad­ver­tise­ments.
4. Don’t publish sensitive data or get too personal: Even if the contents of a Facebook group can only be read by members, your posts are nonethe­less public. Your boss, your partner, and everyone in your life could the­o­ret­i­cal­ly enter the group under another name and read what you write. Online dis­cus­sions, even in private groups, are ad­mis­si­ble in court. So, think twice before you complain about your boss in an online forum or divulge secrets from your past in a private group. You should also refrain from posting personal data such as your address or phone number. Before making your next post, be sure that you’re aware of the dangers of social media.
5. Give credit when voicing thoughts that come from another source: Pictures and quo­ta­tions are subject to copyright when used online, even if vi­o­la­tions may often go un­pun­ished. It’s against the law to dis­trib­ute someone else’s content without giving them credit. And legal con­se­quences aside, it’s never a good look to claim credit for what’s not yours. In just a few clicks, anyone can easily find out who was orig­i­nal­ly behind the content in question. Don’t put your rep­u­ta­tion on the line - give credit right away when sharing others’ content.

Most people obey ne­ti­quette without even realizing it. Ne­ti­quette is in essence simple common courtesy with a few ad­just­ments for the context of the internet.

If you join a new group or forum and don’t find any special group rules, simply ask the moderator about it. Another good way to avoid any blunders is to spend some time reading other users’ posts; that way you can get a sense for the group dynamic before engaging yourself.

The bottom line is: If you stick everyday etiquette, you’re unlikely to cause any trouble. Ne­ti­quette isn’t a difficult language that takes a lot of effort to learn. If you’re open to tips and feedback, approach other users with tolerance and ap­pre­ci­a­tion, and par­tic­i­pate con­struc­tive­ly in online dis­cus­sions, ne­ti­quette won’t be a problem for you.